Are you holding a wild card?
My local community hit a wave of experimenting with Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play game earlier this year. Fair Play is a tool couples leverage to rebalance the work it takes to run a home. You make collaborative decisions about what your family will prioritize. And then distribute the prioritized tasks between each member of the couple. There’s a lot of guidance for how to do this and today’s article focuses on one piece that’s really stuck with me. It’s a piece applicable to anyone - regardless of whether you have a kid or partner.
The reality of the wild card
The part of her process that sticks out to me is when to renegotiate. Specifically, when one member of the couple holds one or more wild cards. A wild card is a life-changing scenario that rocks your world. Even if it's planned and joyful, the amount of additional work for each wild card is monumental. And most of that work is invisible.
Aging or ailing parent
Death
First year of an infant’s life
A daily disruption like a car accident, house emergency etc.
Home renovation or large home project
Job loss or money problem
Moving
A new job
Pregnancy and baby’s birth
A serious illness
I read down that list and find myself nodding at over half that list over the last 3 years. I imagine many of you have the same experience. A life with a wild card continually at play suddenly seems like the new reality. They are no longer wild, but somehow normal.
What if wild cards are normal?
I’ve shared my perspective about the seasons of life, but this points to something deeper. I’m beginning to think we are in a longer season of life that includes a perpetual holding of wild cards. And if so, we have to redefine who we are as leaders. Consistently holding a wild card for years on end will challenge your identity. About what it means to be capable, productive, or career-focused.
I have clients and women in my communities who:
Realized she’d had 2-3 doctor appointments per week all year to manage an injury.
Are taking care of an ailing parent at a time she’d be looking for a new job.
Is on maternity leave and wrestling with how it doesn’t feel like she has space even without “work.”
Experienced the death of a good friend and added travel to be with her throughout the last year.
These things are not standard life maintenance. They’re an onslaught of life-changing circumstances. They’re a new form of work that feels difficult because it doesn’t fit the box of what we think of as work. And it’s disorienting because our society rarely values this type of work. (Thank you Angela Garbes for beautifully teaching this).
The leadership opportunity with wild cards
One of the core leadership principles I teach is respond-ability. Responding differently in different scenarios is leadership. Some responses will feel less authentic. But authenticity and discomfort aren’t the same thing. Less used parts of your leadership range will evoke discomfort.
Another core principle - responsibility - also comes into play with wild cards. You’ll need to release something to tend to the new responsibility upon you. You can’t simply add on an already full plate. You’ll have to subtract. You’ll have to say no. You’ll have to shift how you think about responsibility. It's no longer doing it all. It means enrolling support and embracing the vulnerability required to ask for help.
This shift in your own leadership paradigm will challenge what you’ve thought it means to be a leader. If you're holding a wild card and know something has to give, check out The Rebellious Leader. It’s my 3-month program that launches August 29th and is all about redefining what leadership means to you and how to show up authentically in any circumstance. If you’re not sure if it’s a fit, connect with me 1:1.
Call for reflection:
What wild card are you holding? What part of your leadership paradigm needs redefining?
Shine On,
Alicia
(Image by Vindhya Chandrasekharan via Pexels)