Influence — is it really a good thing?
I have the privilege of facilitating a long-standing course at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business. Most students take the course despite it being an elective (it has quite the reputation).
Another quarter ended last month. I tied a bow on it by reflecting on the changes I have seen in my time with the program. I noticed a big shift around a particular exercise - "The Influence Line." Many students have a visceral response to this piece of the curriculum. Because it requires students to rank the influence of their peers and themselves with physical movement.
Throughout my time, women are increasingly seen as influential to the group. For example, the only two women in my group last quarter were among the top 3 most highly ranked group members. They were widely seen as influential.
And without fail, these two women, like many I have encountered as a facilitator, were
surprised by their level of influence and
uncomfortable with their high ranking
Even more, women almost never rank themselves highly. Sometimes they can see the influence of their female peers. Rarely can they see it in themselves.
This quarter I felt emotional watching the pattern play out. I was heartbroken. A group was finally seeing the influence of female members. But the women were not seeing it themselves. Their own self perception was different. And lower.
I wondered, what has women turn away from their own influence?
Two things are going on beneath the surface.
One. Women collapse influence and power, viewing them as the same thing. In some way both are mechanisms for getting others to take action. But they have very different roots. Power is positional. Influence is relational and has an element of reciprocity. When we see these as the same thing, we resist the recognition of our influence.
Women are relational beings. The more we lead with this natural tendency, the more influence we will have. And that is a GOOD thing. This is not the same as manipulation - a fear we hear many women express. Manipulation is about crafting an advantage over others. Influence has an element of true mutuality.
Two. Women see all power as the same, but it is very nuanced. Martin Luther King defined power as the ability to achieve purpose and effect change. I thank Brene Brown for elevating that definition of power. And for highlighting the different types of power that exist.
The details of Power With/To/Within sound A LOT like the responses we hear when we ask women “what makes a good leader?”
Others are beginning to see that is great leadership. Which is why I am watching women get recognized for their influence over and over in my facilitation.
Our part is to own it as a good thing. To see it is different from the Power Over we dread. To trust in our (and its) goodness. To doubt it less.
We are the examples we have been yearning for.
An invitation to reflect
What is one way you embody power with/to/within as a leader?
What can you do to honor and love that part of you today?
Shine On,
Alicia