Right where you need to be
Path - a word that continually appears in our conversations with prospective clients and alumni.
“My path used to be so clear and now I can barely find it.”
“I feel like I am going from a paved road to an unmarked/gravel one? There are no more lane markings or signposts”
We are all walking a path. Navigating from someplace and towards somewhere else.
Lately, for me, the path is longer and less clear that it “should” be. (hello, inner-critic). I want focus and clarity and neither feel within reach.
“Shoulding” all over myself is sucking the joy out of the experience. Curiosity, a lifelong companion of mine, is nowhere in sight. Adding to all this is what I call a one-two punch. I am adding another “should” to my story - “I am a coach. I should know better.”
In describing this path, my path, to my coach Monday, she laughed out loud. And pointed me towards Elizabeth Gilbert’s brilliant proclamation of self-forgiveness.
As for discipline – it’s important, but sort of over-rated. The more important virtue for a writer, I believe, is self-forgiveness. Because your writing will always disappoint you. Your laziness will always disappoint you. You will make vows: “I’m going to write for an hour every day,” and then you won’t do it. You will think: “I suck, I’m such a failure. I’m washed-up.” Continuing to write after that heartache of disappointment doesn’t take only discipline, but also self-forgiveness (which comes from a place of kind and encouraging and motherly love).
Stepping into new territory is breeding ground for not knowing. Of feeling not clear. Of showing up with less capacity than I have seen myself have on other frequently visited paths. I am going to do and be in ways that feel wrong (or less efficient) when I look back on my movement.
It is hard to be uncomfortable, imperfect, and uncertain. And my work is to keep returning the path. To forgive myself over and over and over again. To continue to be responsible for my world. There is no other way to navigate the unknown. There is no clear path. There is only my path.
I am right where I need to be. And so are you.
Shine On,
Alicia