The spotlight is waiting for you. Step inside.
Three months ago today Joe Biden announced Kamala Harris as his running mate. From that moment forward I have spent time reflecting on what has it feel so important and historic. I have felt hungry to know the WHY for me.
An area I keep coming back to is the awe and wonder of what it requires of a woman to put themselves in the spotlight. In this case, enduring the media engine’s attempt to critique her and tear her down.
No wonder so many women shy away from the spotlight as they get closer to having a position of significance. And yet I long for women to hold positions of power and significance visibly. She may be the first, but I DO NOT want it to be the last.
So what do we do?
We held a small gathering with alumni last month focussed on the hot topic of feedback. The purpose of the session was empowering women to own feedback conversations. To stop reacting to anything tossed your way. Which in some cases is just plain criticism.
We have 3 tips to support you in doing that.
Identify a Square Squad
We borrowed this idea straight out of Brene’s Brown’s book Dare to Lead. She suggests deciding up front whose opinions matter to you. The number should be so small that their names or initials can fit into a 1” x 1” square (think smaller than a post-it). The people you place in this square are the people you trust and love; those who see and appreciate the real you. They are NOT people whose esteem or approval you are striving to earn. Make these people the core recipients of your request for feedback.
Be specific
It is tempting to ask someone for feedback very generally. “Do you have any feedback for me?” or “What feedback do you have?” or even “Where do I need to improve?” When you pose such a broad question, the data you receive tells you a lot about what is important to other people. And leaves behind what is important to you. It is VERY important to put yourself back into the equation. Especially if men are the core models of what is acceptable where you work. You might ask instead, “Can you give me feedback on where you tuned out of my presentation?” Or “where my intent wasn’t clear?”
Solicit positive feedback
The women we work with want to make progress and move the needle. The trap is believing this comes only from doing more. And doing it better. We are inviting you to leave the land of improvement and instead turn towards what you do that is already working well. Invite people to help reveal to you your positive impact. You might ask your boss “when have you had high trust in me and what did I do that contributed to your trusting me?” Or asking a peer “When have I conveyed that your perspective was important?”
When a woman dares to do these 3 things, you become your own champion. You set yourself up to enroll people who really matter to create the impact you most want to have. Using more of you, not less.
When you put yourself and all of your shining strengths center stage, your brilliance shines back at all of us. Don’t be shy. We want to see more of you in the spotlight.
What is one small thing you will do to step further into the spotlight?
Shine On,
Alicia