What is obvious to you is not obvious to others
The world tells women they must:
Prove themselves.
Establish more credibility.
This messaging is both explicit and implicit.
The compounding feeling from those messages is: You are not there yet. Wherever “there” is. No matter what you want or what goal you’re on your way to achieving, you have to do more to get there. And once you do get what you want or achieve the goal you set, your focus shifts to the next thing.
This creates an exhausting cycle. Set a goal to prove yourself. Strive to achieve it. Decide it falls short of being credible. Move the needle again. Start over.
The myth women believe
The biggest part I see women play in this cycle is believing you have to earn your value. This blinds you from seeing the value you already contribute. The next thing you (or they) want drowns out your current contribution.
You begin to believe nothing has value if it comes easily or doesn't demand striving.
Discounting what’s obvious to you is part of this cycle
When you hold unconscious competence in something, you forget you ever had to learn it. You assume everyone knows it. But what’s obvious to you is not obvious to others. This is true across many facets of leadership — the skills required to execute, the lessons you’ve learned, how to navigate circumstances, who you are as a leader.
When you can't see the value in what you already know or have already created, you'll hit rough patches as you grow. You’ll run into:
Context gaps. Communicating to people at different levels of functional areas is difficult. The context and perspective on what’s most important to each group can be wildly different. When you skip over parts that are obvious to you, you create wider context gaps. The obvious bits are often what each group needs to hear to understand your key message.
Management challenges. You hold the key to smooth onboarding for your team. Their ability to contribute quickly relies on you communicating basic and unimportant information — the obvious things you're tempted to skip over.
Missed opportunities for self advocacy. It’s a fantasy to think other people see the work you deliver, how you show up to deliver it and the skills you leveraged. This is rarely the case. Their focus is on what they need to deliver. This fantasy creates a missed opportunity for people to experience your value. A leader’s role is not only to contribute; it's also to have people understand and experience your contribution. Only doing the work stops short of what’s needed.
Frustration. When you assume things that are obvious to you are obvious to others, you’ll be overcome with frustration. You’ll feel undervalued and misunderstood. I know I'm in this place when I feel impatient, alone on an island or wishing people were further along. When I’m stuck in that thinking, I list out what's obvious to me. Then I double down on creating communication about those things.
Call for Reflection:
What feels obvious to you? What’s the value in what’s obvious?
Shine on,
Alicia