What it really means to ‘not care anymore’
We've met a dozen groups of women around the world in the past two months. This is a privilege of each launch cycle for our program The Rebellious Leader. We deliver a 60-minute session that unveils a set of rules women follow in our society, often without awareness, perpetuating the patriarchal system.
In the back half of each of these sessions we invite women to be in conversation with one another. We ask them to discuss how they might lead more powerfully on their own terms if the rules didn’t exist.
In one of these conversations, a woman named a few necessary changes she’d made recently. She’d advocated for others to learn a software system so she wouldn’t be the sole holder of responsibility. She’d stood up for something important to her, despite resistance. I was awed by her brilliance. When I acknowledged that, she responded, “Yeah, I just don't care anymore.”
My heart sank.
When women dare to break any of these rules, in any context, there is a feeling like you’re giving up. This particular rule is one of seven that we find hold women back from leading powerfully on their own terms. Every single one of those seven rules is so pervasive. When you step outside of the rules, no matter how positive the outcomes, you believe you've stopped caring.
When we dug in a bit further with this woman, we discovered she was a stand for care in the world. She’d spent the bulk of her career in education. She’d led a life of service. Yet she was holding a perspective that her brilliant changes meant she'd stopped caring.
She was a woman who could never abandon all the care she carried. Care was how she approached the world.
Releasing something is not the equivalent of giving up.
Making a different choice is not giving up.
Yes, sometimes the choice is to exit an exhausting race. Where you could do more and take on more, but move nowhere. When you make that choice, you honor something important. That honoring is an expression of care. You make a conscious decision about where to place your care.
When you stop placing your care in dead end places, that is brilliance.
Call for reflection:
What do you find yourself “not caring about”? You’ve let that go to care for something else. What is it?
Shine On,
Alicia