A radical invitation
In a recent gathering, a participant shared that she’d like a better handle on:
“How to delegate, let go of control and let go of the feeling of overall responsibility.”
She’s following a rule we see women follow that stifle their careers: Everything is my responsibility. Every woman on the call could relate to the internal and societal pull to take on everything.
Much of the experience shared validated the challenge this creates for women. Many on the call pointed to the positive impact you can create by moving the needle on what and how you delegate.
Later, reflecting back, I realized some of what women voiced has patriarchal roots.
There has to be a good, logical reason to delegate or let something go.
Think about what it makes possible for others — the growth and opportunity they'll receive.
Consider what you'll get to grow into by taking on larger initiatives that are only available to you if you delegate.
The patriarchy is often woven into my responses, too.
A bit of perspective I often bring to the conversation around delegating is an 80% rule. If someone in your orbit can do things at 80% of the quality you can, let them. Allowing that 20% difference pushes against patriarchal demands of perfection for women. And it offers you the opportunity to do things you can do at 90%+ that others may only be able to do at 60%.
As an example, I know the backend systems for our business well. I have them dialed, and thus executing anything in the systems is easy for me. If I delegate those tasks to one of our brilliant assistants, they may not be able to do it at 100%. More important, though, is that they can’t move forward a much larger initiative we're wanting to create. Only I can have that impact. The longer I hold onto the systems work, the longer I delay the movement on an initiative. The 20% gap in knowledge, experience and history is a much lower cost than never lighting up the initiative.
Yet, even that perspective relies on good reason. It perpetuates the idea that reason has to be there to justify letting something go.
Maybe it does. But maybe not.
“I don’t want to” is a good enough reason
What if a lack of desire was reason enough to delegate something? Or reason enough to let go of a responsibility? Allow “I don’t want to” to be reason enough, and you open up a greater chance of hearing and honoring your desires.
Without considering desire, the decision of whether to do something is the same as whether you can do something. If you can do it, you do it.
Desire adds an important nuance. You begin to be able to determine whether to do something by whether you want to do something.
For many women, knowing what you desire is hard. We’re taught to desire little and to be satisfied with what we have. You can begin to break this conditioning by letting "I don't want to'' be reason enough.
Call for reflection:
What is something you are doing, but don’t want to? Stop.
Shine on,
Alicia