Dreams and goals are not the same thing
Instead of a relaxing holiday season, the universe served me a house full of sick people. I know many of you can relate. Determined to rise above the blur of 2021, I took a Friday off to cross-country ski in fresh snowfall with a friend.
I grew up required to cross-country ski as part of physical education class. That’s the last time I hit the trails. Realizing many of the people I'd like to build community with are into the sport inspired me to give it another go.
I headed over to a local ski shop in my neighborhood in the morning to rent gear. Waiting to get outfitted for the day behind an endless line of tourists, I found myself back in my college days. I was downhill ski obsessed. The mountains were a short drive from my college home in Boulder, and it was easy to get as many as 40 days of skiing in each season. Each year I’d find myself in similar lines, a visitor to mountain towns, eager to demo the latest gear.
I remember waiting in those lines and dreaming about a day in the future when I'd live in a ski town.
Here I was, 20 years later, living in a ski town. Before that moment, I’d forgotten about that dream. And I didn’t realize it had come true.
The value of dreaming
The details of that dream aren’t significant, but the experience of dreaming itself has value. What stands out to me now, 20 years later, is how thrilling it felt to dream. About living in a ski town and so many other things. Dreaming was part of life. Everything felt so wide open and full of possibility.
In the 20 years since, the world has told me (and, I would bet, you) not to dream. Not too big, anyway. It’s told me my time, energy and focus are better spent on what’s realistic, achievable and practical. In many ways, doing that gave my life a sense of predictability. Do these things, and get these results.
There have been moments when I haven’t done what was realistic or practical, or when I’ve leaped into a dream. But I’ve focused the bulk of my energy on doing the practical things. And it’s worked. It’s given me some sense of security.
You’ve found security through similar methods. But it’s not working anymore. The steps, the path, the results all feel less clear. Or the costs to you, of that way, are steeper. You've lost yourself.
You need to reignite your relationship with dreaming.
Cutting off your dreams at some point in your path, like I have, has four downsides. Luckily, you can mitigate each when you build a practice of dreaming.
1. You’re listening to what others want.
You’ve gone outside of yourself to define the possibilities ahead. Many of the people you turn to depend on you to be realistic and practical. You staying where you are benefits them. They’re not going to suggest something wild that will enliven you.
Instead, turn toward yourself to be wild about possibilities. You can give that to yourself.
2. You don’t believe you can achieve your dreams.
You’ve robbed yourself of the ability to see yourself as someone who achieves their dreams. When you don’t dare to have a dream, you’ll never see yourself achieve it.
If you’d continued to dream wildly and freely, how many of your dreams would you have achieved by now? How many versions of you living in a ski town would have existed for you? Put on those dreaming shoes.
3. You feel pressure to make it happen.
Dreaming is immediately followed by the pressure to make it happen. In college, there was no pressure. I could dream and do nothing about it, because I knew my focus for the next four years. The last thing women need is more pressure.
Instead, dream freely while releasing yourself from the demand to put anything into motion. The goal is the dreaming itself, not the action of satisfying those dreams.
4. You leave nothing up to tiny miracles.
Forces beyond you hear your dreams and work behind the scenes to create them without all the striving. A dream may leave your conscious mind, but it stays with you. When you don’t dream, those magical forces don’t hear you.
When you name a dream to yourself and to others, you plant a seed in an unpredictable and wondrous world. You’ll navigate your way into some dreams without realizing it until you’re there. This is the gateway to the ski town moment.
Call for reflection:
Give yourself permission to dream. What are 25 dreams you want to hold for yourself? Write them down and say them out loud.
Shine On,
Alicia