Perfectionism is stifling you
I spoke to a woman recently who was in the beginning phases of searching for a new job. She made the same comment I’ve heard from hundreds of women.
“I have to fake confidence to interview for this position.”
First, confidence isn’t a light you switch on or off. You’re confident about some things and hold less confidence in others.
The idea that you have it or don't is an expression of binary thinking. It's stifling you. It keeps you frozen. It adds unnecessary pressure to an already difficult situation.
Behind binary thinking is perfectionism
There’s no rule in interviewing (or anywhere) that you have to pretend you know things you don’t know. Yet, the fear of needing to pretend can keep you from pursuing stretch opportunities. You don't want to lie, and that's the only option you can see.
When you look at a list of job requirements and can't see yourself able to meet 100% of them, you stop. The patriarchy’s perfectionism has a grip on you. That old story must die.
Imagine how small your life will be if you continue to hold yourself to a standard of perfection. The challenges you will not face. The opportunities you will not pursue. The boredom and stagnation you’re feeling will continue.
How to turn away from perfectionism
I asked the woman I spoke with to imagine a pegboard in front of her. I asked her to see that each hole represented a requirement of the job she'd applied for. As she began to name them, she could easily identify the skills listed in the job description. And yes, some of those she didn’t meet. At first glance, that seemed to be the whole picture. It’s not.
I asked her to expand her view by seeing open holes that represented more than what the job description outlined, including:
Characteristics she'd developed by stepping into unknown territory at other points.
Strengths she’d developed and leveraged to find success in her career so far.
Things she did well or with ease.
Knowledge she held about why the position was a good fit.
Once we had a fuller picture, I asked her to assess what percentage of holes she could fill with her 15 years of experience. I requested that she be honest, given that her initial concern was having to lie.
What emerged was a pretty full pegboard. I wasn't the tiniest bit surprised. This is such a common experience for the women I speak with.
Society conditions you to focus on the one or two missing holes and discount the 98 or 99 filled with pegs. This is perfectionism in practice.
You can unstick yourself
When she expanded her view, this woman realized there was a lot she could speak about in interviews. With honesty. She'd become unstuck.
Instead of wondering how she’d fake confidence about one or two missing pegs, she found confidence in an almost full pegboard.
When we peeked a little deeper, this experience was no different from dozens she'd had. Her career was full of places she'd found success despite not knowing everything up front. Deep down, she knew confidence comes when you step into new territory.
The best part is that navigating new territory was more than just a strength of hers. It was what gave her the most energy. Perfectionism is so detrimental that it’ll rob you of the things you would most enjoy.
Call for reflection:
What is perfectionism preventing you from seeing?
Shine On,
Alicia