There is no such thing as figuring this out
I recently connected with a mentor who walked alongside me in my early days of facilitating. We’re in different stages of our lives: She’s adjusting to being a business owner and imagining the next phase of her life as an empty nester, and I’m adjusting to motherhood with a 15-month-old son.
Within five minutes of connecting, we'd both said something like:
“I can’t believe I am still trying to figure this out.”
We were both holding as truth two assumptions about our transitions:
Big life altering transitions should be fast.
There’s a set arrival point on the other side of a transition.
I get why we’re falsely seeing those as truths. Uncertainty and change are the backdrop of everything we do. Nothing has made that more clear than the last couple of years. The wide openness of that reality is causing unrest in individuals. It’s becoming intolerable to have more questions than answers. For my friend and I, our desire to have it all figured out represents our overwhelm with how much else is unknown.
When I sit with how much uncertainty each of us is experiencing, I feel myself holding my breath. I’m both fixed in place and determined to navigate my way out of my transition to motherhood. I want to have the answers and to know the answers won’t change. I feel as though I cannot handle another re-invention of our family schedule or another shift in my son’s food preferences. I want to be outside of these questions. But I’m not. And I may never be if I am evolving in ways that meet my desires for myself.
The solid ground I seek is not on the other side of having everything figured out. This tight grip I'm holding is another desperate act to feel in control. Living in a world that feels largely unpredictable is unsettling. It feels impossible to settle into any moment of reality. Change is around every corner. And I want to feel settled.
The truth is that I can feel settled before the transition is over.
This is available when I realize putting one foot in front of the other — navigating this path — is the goal. There is a place to arrive. Arrival is happening moment by moment.
You may be navigating a personal transition, like my mentor and me. If not, the world is navigating a giant transition. So much of the foundation of our society is being rocked and re-imagined. There is no way you cannot be alive right now without being touched.
Call for reflection:
If you stopped trying to figure it out, what would you see?
Shine On,
Alicia