Hiding out may stop you in your tracks. Is that what you want?
As a new mom, this article took my breath away. The main premise of the article is that taking on a new role or identity has two parts.
The internal part where we begin to see and relate to ourselves differently
The external part developed from having others witness us in our new role
I had been struggling to understand (and judging myself in the process) for not really feeling like a mom yet. I am beyond the “I have no idea what I am doing phase” but still feel unsettled. What the article made me realize is that in pandemic times, there has been almost no one to witness me as a mom. There is my partner, our midwife team, and my pediatrician but that is about it. No one close to me has seen me as a mom. It all makes it feel a little less real.
When we bring women together, they learn more about themselves through the words and experiences of other women. Women see one another trying on a personal leadership style. They champion one another which makes leading their way more real. And possible.
We need the reflection from others to fully step into the versions of ourselves that we are becoming.
Yet it is so tempting to hold the dreams we are wanting and ideas we have captive from the view of others. Keeping them to ourselves and avoiding any external reflection. There is a benefit to an incubation period AND we can take this too far.
We hide out. Where it is safe. But it is also stagnant.
Until our ideas are more developed.
Until we have done more research.
Until we are more sure.
Until we are already down the path of moving towards those dreams.
I had a client last year that had a BRILLIANT vision for how to evolve the area of the company she worked within. Her vision was revolutionary. At night and on the weekends she would refine it over and over. Making adjustments. Incorporating new learnings from dozens of conferences with expert panelists.
This went on for months. She never shared it with anyone. She worried it would be more "evidence" for how she thought too far ahead (according to her boss). This was a huge strength of hers. And something that set her apart, but also made her feel alone.
Over time she worked up the courage to share the idea with him. He was receptive, but skeptical. He needed time with her vision.
The snag in her plan was that she had developed her idea to such a degree of perfection that she was
1. not open to external input and
2. wanted the change to happen immediately.
No revolutionary idea gets adopted this way. Without the input of others or immediately.
The alternative available to her was to share her vision earlier on. She might have invited others into the process. And given them an opportunity to see her leadership in developing her ideas, not just presenting them.
Even worse, we find that when people do not immediately take to women's' ideas, it can be the woman itself that abandons them all together. Thankfully, she did not do this. She has now been promoted and built the organization of her vision.
Reflection: What is one idea you are sitting on that may get stronger by letting others hear it?
Shine On,
Alicia