How to make gratitude beneficial
My career today is unlike my days working in tech. Over the last 6.5 years of running my own business, it's grown to include many facets. This lets me honor my value of variety, a desire that often felt impossible to realize when I worked in a corporate environment.
Today I coach individuals, co-run Inside Out, facilitate our programs and write. While that sounds like a lot, it's less than in years past. That tension can be hard to sit with.
Lately, I've felt the loss of a piece of work I've had to let go. Facilitating Touchy Feely at Stanford has started to wind down since I moved to Bend, Oregon, at the start of 2020. The pandemic shift to remote let me hold on longer with virtual classes. Now that classes are back in person, I can no longer be a part of facilitating that class. The loss is hitting me again.
Gratitude within loss
Discomfort about anything, but especially loss, is hard. I diminish my pain like so many of you do: by turning to what I'm grateful about in my life. I do this to seek relief, but it only amplifies the loss. All the things to be grateful for are anything but the missing piece. They cannot replace the loss.
The loss is real. The class has been a catalyst for tremendous learning.
Yet there is a place for gratitude within the loss. When used appropriately, gratitude can contextualize the loss and give me useful clues. As a leader in my world, it’s my responsibility to extract the pieces relevant to what I want to create in my world.
The real benefit of gratitude
The key to beneficial gratitude is to refrain from gratitude for WHAT I have. None of that can replace the loss. Instead, I point to my gratitude for WHO I have and HOW things happen.
This looks like asking myself:
"WHO made facilitating that course so special?" It's the professors' dedication to their craft and commitment to continuous learning. It's the community of facilitators who believe in the power of connecting emotionally. It's a group of people who walk the talk of what we teach.
"HOW did the class unfold on my path to uncover what's sacred?” The program came into my life at the suggestion of a fellow coach. The program's interview process demanded I show up as myself. Being selected not in spite of that but because of that gives me a high. Full acceptance and belonging.
These insights are clues into what I’m wanting as my work evolves. Even better is that they’re repeatable. The class will remain in the past, but the future may include parts, like these, that are important to me.
Call for reflection:
What are you grateful for? Who contributes to that? How has that come to be in your life?
Shine On,
Alicia