Is your greatest strength becoming a liability?

Women are STRONG. We have innumerable strengths. Sometimes we take a good thing too far. 

I hear over and over again from women that you want to abandon a strength when they don’t fit in. You turn away from it when it looks different than the skills of the people around you.

You bargain your magic in hopes of belonging, but then you don’t really belong to yourself.

What usually snaps you out of it is sitting in the missed opportunity to use your strengths. One of those moments when you would have stolen the show or saved the disaster or made things easier. You feel awful about abandoning yourself.

You want to forgive yourself so you double down. You use that same strength everywhere and in doing so you stop being at choice. You turn away from any situational context that suggests when sending your strength take a nap may actually be better.
 
In my corporate days, I worked with an executive coach. I worked for an organization that prioritized the development of employees. They really lived up to that value. I joined a high potential leadership program. Participants were hand-picked by our executive team for admission to the small program. That was not true for me. I negotiated my admission as part of a larger salary package overhaul.
 
Immediately I felt I did not belong and promised myself that I'd prove my value. That drive to prove myself lasted way past the expiration date of the year-long program. It even continued beyond my establishing the company’s largest partnerships. I still felt like an imposter.
 
During the program, I strived to be worthy by attempting to shave off all the parts of me that were different. Or those traits that were too often misunderstood. All my effort only perpetuated my sense of not belonging.

I shut down the things most natural to me to fit in.

I didn't realize any of this until years later when I'd established myself as a coach. In re-reviewing my 360 assessment from that program, a piece of data jumped out at me. One I had neglected 7 years prior. I had scored in the 99th percentile in a category called Courageous Authenticity. That is of anyone who'd ever taken the assessment, anywhere.
 
That thing was what I had been trying to shave off FOR SO LONG. The question I wish I had asked myself at that time is What it would look like to capitalize on that strength in me?That exact same characteristic is what differentiates me as a coach today.
 
And yet, it isn’t all roses. I WAY over-corrected only to learn that I still have to choose when (and how) to use that strength. A wise teacher recently told me that I have to increase my responsibility in the truth I shoot out of my mouth. I have to learn to decipher when I am shooting from my head (which is my default) or my heart (which has the impact I want to have).
 
The truth from my head leaves those around me feeling like idiots who have no chance of influencing me.
 
The truth from my heart draws people in and inspires them to be the best version of themselves.
 
Only one of those is great.
 
Even more, if I want to prioritize my energy (which I do), I have to choose when to use this strength. It cannot be every time I have the opportunity.
 
A huge strength many women have is empathy. Society teaches us from a very early age to take care of others before we take care of ourselves. To know what other people need and address that first. Often before we even ask ourselves what we need.

Strengths are slippery.

You can learn to manage your strengths by being at choice with when and how you use them.
 

Start by following this simple tool.

Ask yourself, what is one of your greatest strengths? If you don’t know, ask friends or colleagues you trust to help you identify this.

Take an inventory of:

• 3 situations in which this strength serves you

• 3 situations in which this strength gets in your way

The more specific you get, the better. You can start putting your strength down for a nap in the situations where you know it doesn’t serve you.

Start making better choices.

The best part is you can keep using them when they serve you. It is not all or nothing.
 
Where do you want to put your strength down for a nap?

Shine On,

Alicia