The one thing not contributing to your success
Imposter syndrome is so widespread with women’s leadership that we cannot run a program without addressing it. The pushback against this feeling has become so pervasive that women feel deficient if they experience any doubt, which is a normal human emotion.
In our programs, we address the flaws of imposter syndrome. We also reframe the conversation to look at your harsh inner critic. That voice is an internalized version of messages served to you with only one thing in mind: safety. Your safety and the safety and comfort of others.
It can be hard to identify the origins of those messages, because they've likely been with you for a long time. At this point in your life, they feel like a part of you. They feel true. But they’re not part of you, and they’re not the truth.
See the inner critic for what it is
Your inner critic will keep you stuck until you acknowledge it isn’t a part of you and it’s not the truth. Its orientation toward safety wants you to maintain the status quo of your life. When you learn to see those voices for what they are, you can widen your ability to listen in to what else is there.
How to handle your inner critic
The temptation is to negotiate with your inner critic. It's fruitless. Your inner critic on a mission to outsmart any logic you throw its way. Instead, you can let the voices be there and look for who else is talking.
Shift your focus away from the critic, and widen your focus to the whole picture.
The good news is that, because this voice is so primitive, you have a long relationship with doing exactly that. We've heard brilliant ways women navigate these voices in the years we've run programs. You get outside and go for a walk, call a friend, do an esteemable act, listen to your favorite music or cuddle up with your pet. These methods all engage more of you than your spinning mind.
What to do when the voices creep back in
You might be thinking, “Yeah, I know what to do, but it’s not working.” Those voices creep back in. You feel like a failure if you can’t get rid of these voices for good.
This is the result of propagation of a false dialog about imposter syndrome. Holding any doubt becomes a personal deficiency.
These voices will never go away. That may sound defeating to you. My hope is that you also find yourself letting out a sigh of relief. You are a driven, high-achieving woman. You'll continue to stretch yourself into new territory. That is part of why feeling stuck is so untenable to you.
In those moments of stretching, the inner critic will always arise. When you step outside of what is steady and comfortable, its alarm bells will ring to draw you back to safety. Anticipate its arrival. When it greets you, do what you already do brilliantly. Trust that any way of widening your view to a fuller picture of your inner dialog is enough.
As any one method for quieting your inner critic expires, source ideas from other brilliant women in your life. Ask what is currently working for widening their view.
You don’t need your inner critic
You might also worry that your drive to achieve will come to a screeching halt if you stop listening to whatever your inner critic tells you. For many of you, it feels like the inner critic is the reason you’re so successful. It’s the engine that keeps you going and stretching into unknown territory.
Causation and correlation are not the same thing. Yes, your inner critic is present when you achieve. You’ve stretched into new, “unsafe” territory, so it will visit. Those two things — achieving and hearing the inner critic — correlate with one another.
The achievement does not happen because the inner critic is present. That would be causation. I invite you to stop colluding with that idea. It is outdated and excludes most, if not all, of your brilliance.
When you’re able to hear who else is speaking, besides the critic, you’ll discover the parts of you that do create your success.
Call for Reflection
If the inner critic is not responsible for your success, what is?
Shine on,
Alicia