Combat loneliness with an age old trick

I recently had an experience that reminded me of a buried benefit of human connection. 

My husband was expressing gratitude for a book that he revisited. Reading it made him feel seen and hopeful to address a few things in his life.

There was a long chain of people who supported the entire path to that one life-changing book. When my husband and I followed that line of crumbs backwards, we felt awe. We also felt delighted by the ease with which information can unfold from the people on that path.

A therapist had recommended the book. 
 

We met that therapist through a couple's therapist we'd seen years ago. 
 

A friend I met in a facilitation training at Stanford led us to that couple’s therapist. 
 

I found that facilitation training by way of a friend I met in coaches’ training.
 

I enrolled in that training after connecting with another coach. She'd founded a women’s outdoor adventure company. 

I met her through a longtime friend who was helping me build community when I moved back to the Bay Area in 2013.

I met that longtime friend on Craigslist in 2005 when I moved to San Francisco, knowing no one.

I was able to move to San Francisco because I engaged with on-campus recruiting on CU Boulder’s campus.

I was led to the recruiter after a conversation with a CEO who lectured for an undergraduate class I taught. 

I applied to teach that course at the suggestion of a roommate from my freshman year of college.

I met that roommate in a leadership training program my dorm had hosted.

I enrolled in the leadership program after reading a flier on a bulletin board in the student center my first week at college.

Following that chain offers an important lesson. Its whole unraveling offers relief from two conditions that feel present right now. 

We are simultaneously drowning in information and feeling alone in our navigation of life.

Information is everywhere. It is in the:

• Notifications you receive on your phone.

• Podcasts coming through your headset.

• Pages of search results you encounter online.

• Advice from the articles you’ve queued up to read.

Each encounter of information feels so important and worthy of your time, but engaging with all of it can quickly overwhelm you. Shoutout to my 15+ open browser windows. 

The whole pattern of looking for things through devices fuels the feeling that you are alone. Devices and the internet have replaced so many ways we used to source things from people in real life. When was the last time you stopped your car to ask for directions? Or reached out to a friend for a recipe to cook for dinner? Or had a conversation with someone about the experience of management at work? We’ve replaced real connection and conversation for endless online consumption. 

There is a more satisfying and rewarding approach to sourcing information.

This week I challenge you to engage in a real conversation with someone. Go beyond the “how are you.” 

Doing so requires some vulnerability. You'll have to give voice to a situation you’re navigating or a curiosity you’re holding. 

Instead of tuning into your device, tune into a real human. This is a step away from feeling alone. It opens a possibility that you’ll kick off a chain of events that provides awe and delight in your future. 

There is a larger lesson embedded in engaging with another human.

Leadership requires not going at things alone. Including others in whatever’s in front of you right now is an opportunity to build a leadership skill. Asking for help and enrolling others is necessary if you want to have a meaningful impact.
 

Shine on, 

Alicia