The one thing that impacts your entire experience
When women have access to our emotions, others might perceive us as “too emotional.” You might perceive yourself that way. This is a natural response to living in a society that undervalues emotions. Society views emotions as a distraction from real work (hail, productivity).
The harmful reaction to this perception is to stuff your emotions away. When you stuff them away, they’ll brew inside you until you can’t hold them in anymore. They'll burst out of you.
In those bursts, your emotions rule the show. You’re not at choice. This further perpetuates the stereotype that women are too emotional. At a former job of mine, the concrete stairwell was the go-to place to have bursts in private to limit the damage.
Stuffing emotions dulls the entire landscape of your life. If you stuff one, you stuff them all. There’s no feeling joy without feeling sadness or anger.
The role emotions play in your life
Emotions rule your experience regardless of whether you're aware of them.
They direct your attention and influence what you remember and learn.
They influence your decisions.
They determine whether you move closer or farther away from others.
They impact your physical health.
They impact your access to your creativity and your ability to be effective in your work (and life).
When you’re not aware of how emotions influence any of those experiences, you lose a powerful source of wisdom you could weave into how you lead. When you turn toward the emotion with curiosity, you can find the wisdom it has for you.
The wisdom in each emotion
Each core emotion is an indicator of something important.
Anger is a sign that something is no longer working or in service of you. Something needs changing or destroying.
Fear is a sign that something important needs to be known and is not being faced. A new lesson wants to be learned.
Sadness indicates that you need to let something or someone go. Something needs grieving to pave the way for something new to emerge.
Joy points to something or someone that needs celebration or appreciation.
Sexual feelings are a sign that something wants to be created and brought into the world.
If you have a hard time identifying an emotion, you’re not alone. Society suggests it’s best to turn away from them. Thankfully, there are some tell-tale signs you can watch for.
Signs an emotion is contributing to your experience
Anger manifests as blame, righteousness and criticism.
Fear keeps you living in a future state, often with anxiety.
Sadness creates a feeling of victimhood and a poor me mentality.
Stunted joy looks like circumstantial happiness and a limit on what’s celebrated.
Absence of sexual feelings leads to a lack of creativity and zest for life.
If you notice any of these signs, play with feeling the underlying emotion:
Acknowledge the emotion by saying “I am feeling ______.” If the emotion is in the background, recall a time when you felt that emotion.
Feel the sensations in your body that are present with that emotion. This shouldn’t take more than 90 seconds.
Turn toward the emotion with curiosity to inquire about its wisdom for you.
Call for Reflection:
How accessible are your emotions to you? What’s one thing you can do to increase your access to their wisdom?
Shine On,
Alicia