When it’s time to kick gratitude to the curb

I am kicking gratitude to the curb. Will you join me?

I have a 10 year relationship with my gratitude journal. As part of a larger morning routine, I have listed 5 things I am grateful for every single day.

While sometimes the things I track are big and grandiose, more often than not they are small. 

Yesterday it was the way maple trees’ leaves change in the fall. Sometimes they start in one tiny corner and on first glance it looks like the sun is shining on the trees. I appreciated it for the grounding of nature’s wonder.

Today, it was my awe for the female body. A friend with an auto-immune disease has had no symptoms during her third pregnancy (she is due in 2 weeks)!. I thought, “wow, the body is smart in creating a container for a baby to thrive. It knows its priorities, inherently.”

I prefer the small gratitudes because they are so simple. They can be found anywhere without me needing to achieve or do anything. I can find them when I pause for a minute or slow down enough to catch them. 

So why am I kicking it to the curb? (partially, at least)

I have seen too many women, myself included, use gratitude as a justification for settling. 

“I have so much to be grateful for, I should be able to see those things more clearly.”

“There are a lot of things to be grateful for in my [organization, job, relationship] that I should learn to focus there.”

“This is a first world problem because I have so much to be grateful for.”

“I should be grateful that I have a job.”

Sound familiar?

These are some of the ways that gratitude is used to blind yourself to your deepest longings. 

It is ironic that noticing and recording the small gratitudes has benefits (trust me, I have been doing this for a decade) and at the same time, kills our dreams in an instant. 

The difference is how gratitude is used. 

When gratitude is used to enhance your experience it is gold. 

When gratitude is used to minimize your experience, it is bullshit. 

I challenge you to stop using gratitude to distract you from your experience. When you have small feelings of discontent or discomfort before saying  the word gratitude, that is a sign. You are likely minimizing the reality of your experience. And those feelings have a message for you.

I challenge you to notice when gratitude is derailing your dreams (spoiler: many of the examples include the word should). When you catch yourself, ask “what is too uncomfortable to sit with?”

Shine On, 
Alicia