Why you have to lead your way

I had the privilege of sitting with a friend over a long lunch to reconnect after she’d been away for months. She's a wiser elder to me. We share a field of work that meets at the intersection of leadership and diversity. During our lunch she shared a new body of work she’s taking on that explores the polarity between masculine and feminine approaches to leadership.

She shared between bites, “Feminine leadership philosophy led me to abandon a part of me. I'm learning that part feels like home.” As she continued, she gave voice to a common critique of women’s leadership philosophy: It's designed to empower women to act like our male colleagues.

In reclaiming this part of her leadership, my friend had found her way back to using feminine language. She’d been experimenting with shifting her approach to asking permission — for example, asking “May I share an observation with you?” before sharing.

This shift, for her, was leading to more fulfilling results in her work and relationships. But more important than that was creating a way of being in her world that allowed her to feel like herself. This is the part that felt like home. She felt less fragmented and more whole in her approach.

I saw this same phenomenon with another friend I worked alongside in my former tech career. This woman owned and embodied the creation of culture within our organization. She created all our community events. She’d set up social engagements for people visiting from other offices. She'd made a conscious effort to weave in newer colleagues as our organization scaled. She was the go-to facilitator of collaboration between siloed parts of our organization. She cleaned up the mess. This was all beyond the scope of her full-time job.

Yes, the company recognized her impact. But that wasn’t the most important reward for her. Most important was that she felt at home in those roles and felt full in creating that impact.

A more traditional women’s leadership philosophy would poke holes in these approaches. It'd challenge my friend reclaiming her feminine language. It'd encourage her to give voice to her perspective without permission.

That same philosophy would view my former colleague negatively. It might label her as unfocused or a sucker for handling all the invisible work.

Had they listened to those critiques, they’d have shut off parts of themselves. The ones that make them feel alive, present and engaged.

Each of their experiences is a success because each found her path among the noise of society's expectations for women and conventional leadership. They followed neither and instead found a way to leadership, their way.

Unlocking leadership, their way, allowed them each to create the impact they valued most.
 

Call for Reflection:

What is one thing you do that feels like you?

Stay tuned for an opportunity to unlock leadership, your way. 

I've designed the opportunity for two groups of women. 

1. Women who’ve found success by assimilating to the existing, male dominant culture. You're making money and have climbed the ladder, but you feel something is missing. 

2. Women who’ve tried to adopt masculine approaches who've felt little success. You're spinning or stuck and feel little satisfaction. You may not have a sense of who you are and how you want to lead. 

Shine On, 

Alicia

(Image by Ann H via Pexels)