The real change process

Most of the women I work with want something different in their lives. They're aware something is no longer serving them. It isn't getting them what they want or it's costing them too much. Others want to be more engaged and satisfied with their careers and lives.

Early in our work, new ways of thinking and feeling emerge. That is the foundation to behave differently and to choose new actions. Things feel good. For a while. 

Yet, frustration emerges when progress seems to stall. Or they are back to a place they thought there were over already. The false allure of linear progress - straight and upward - hooks them. This is a place of doubt and confusion.
 

What getting hooked looks like

This experience can be as small as committing to no longer taking a colleague's behavior personally. But later letting that person get under your skin. You get overcome with emotion and fall into reactive patterns. The very ones you wanted to stop doing. Your leadership respond-ability is nowhere in sight. 

This experience could be as big as taking a role at a company despite some red flags in the interview process. When you exit that role, you swear you'll be more careful or discerning next time. Yet when the next time comes, you feel unable to push for clarity on the things that feel off to you. So again you end up at a less-than-ideal company or role. 
 

Why this matters now

This feeling is common for women right now. We're six weeks into the year. Some of what you wanted or hoped for this year may already feel out of reach. You may be feeling harsh toward yourself about your lack of progress. Or angry at circumstances that added a hurdle in front of your dreams. 

Change takes time. It's not linear. When you first initiate a change, you’ll face internal and external resistance. The clarity you had is still real. Keep going. Progress counts more than perfection. 

A parable that captures the real change process

Autobiography in five short chapters
By Portia Nelson  

One

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in

I am lost . . . I am helpless

It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Two

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place, but it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Three

I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there.

I still fall in . . . it’s a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am. It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Four

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Five

I walk down another street.

Call for Reflection:

What hole are in you, but you know you are there? What would walking around it look like?

Shine On, 

Alicia

(Image by Gary Meulemans via Unsplash)