Women are not sensitive
It's natural to use labels to understand yourself and navigate differences between people. Who you are and how you identify. The boxes we place ourselves and others in can make dynamics easier to understand. If nothing else, they temper the real complexity of people that may overwhelm you at times.
You are all these things and so much more
When I bring groups of women together, we explore our identity as women. We also make space for acknowledging and sharing the vast identities among us.
Great leadership includes more of who you are, not less. Exploring the facets of your identity surfaces the rich texture within you. Knowing a fuller range of who you are, unlocks a wider set of possibilities for how you can show up as a leader.
You can read more about a sliver of how I identify here.
Finding a new part of your identity
Our identities evolve as we learn about ourselves. Sometimes a new way of seeing yourself results in a “holy hell, this makes so much sense” feeling. Other times your immediate response may be resistant. Resistance is common especially when someone suggests a label for you.
Needing time to sit with and grow into a new identity is understandable. An expanded or shifting identity can create a full reorientation of how you relate to your world. That process may need to move slowly and reveal itself over time.
Outgrowing an identity
In the course of your life, you’ll outgrow identities that no longer fit your view of who you are. Disidentification is a part of any large transition. Many of you are disidentifying with a specific role or company right now.
When you make a pivot in your career, you’ll likely feel what you no longer are before you can feel who you’re becoming. In divorce, you feel you're no longer a partner before identifying as a single person. In becoming a mother, I could feel I was no longer childless before I could see myself as a mom. The added identity of “mother” didn't resonate at my son's birth. I grew into it.
Identity redefinition in an instant
I recently experienced a sudden identity shift. It brought clarity and resonance immediately. Someone who's part of my support system said to me last week “women aren’t sensitive; men are.” (Before I go on, I want to acknowledge this is a generalization. All generalizations are inherently flawed, but can hold value).
People have called me sensitive my whole life and while true in many ways, it never fit exactly. This person gave me a peek into what may be a more true version of my identity.
Seeing my visible shock, she continued. “Look around you. Women are hard, fierce, and determined. If we were truly sensitive, we’d not be able to carry all that we do. Men, on the other hand, are sensitive. That’s why the whole world is set up to cater to them.”
The opportunity that comes with shifting your identity
I resisted being sensitive because it seemed counter to the strength I feel in myself. There's not enough space for women (or any non-dominant group) to be really, truly sensitive. The world isn't set up to invite our sensitivity without requiring our strength. I now see I’m both sensitive and strong. And how those relate to one another.
It's not too far-fetched to consider the world we operate within is set up to protect men's sensitivity. When I allow myself to consider that possibility, I sit in awe and appreciation for myself and all women.
Call for Reflection:
What identity are you outgrowing? What identity is emerging?
Shine On,
Alicia
(Image by Nguyen Thanh Ngoc via Pexels)