You are not seeing things wrong
A client I’ve worked with for many years had just started yet another new job at the time she hired me. After 15 years at one company, short stints had littered her more recent career. Nothing had fit quite like that longer job.
She hired me with this most recent change. She was unclear about what hadn't been working. All her recent positions had seemed like they'd be a great fit. Yet, they hadn't been. Worse, she feared she was falling into a hopeless pattern.
Her new position was bad out of the gate. Her fear escalated.
There was a mismatch from the start
Her company hired her to launch a new line of business. Almost immediately she realized the company didn't have a grasp of what that meant. No matter how beautifully she advocated for resources, silence and stalling followed. They'd either underestimated or poorly planned for their vision. They weren't ready to commit the resources required for success.
She lived at two extremes: clarity about their shortsightedness and worry that she was misreading everything.
The impact on my client
The bigger impact on her was feeling like she didn't understand what they wanted. A feeling of autonomy quickly morphed into a feeling that she was on her own to fail. Her boss canceled their meetings without warning, and when they did connect, she felt uninspired and increasingly misaligned. No suggestion he did offer came close to addressing the reality they were up against.
Her response to her experience
My client did what many women in this position do: She worked harder. She got creative. She built relationships and asked for favors to support what she was building. She worked around policies that didn’t fit the business expansion.
Part of her approach exhilarated her. She was finally finding movement. She was closing in on huge revenue deals. She was having impact and operating excellently — two of her values.
But that response could only take her so far. Exhaustion eventually overwhelmed her.
Each of our sessions began with her saying, “You’ll never believe what happened.”
I could believe it. It was all believable. As an outsider, I could see the clear pattern repeating itself. She worked harder. Surprises continued to slam her. A new bottom revealed itself each day.
Bad will always be bad
One day on a call, I asked her to imagine her job was a significant other, not a career. Her company was like a C- boyfriend. And she was showing up as an A+ girlfriend.
I told her she could keep showing up as an A+. That was her choice, and she was clearly capable of that level of excellence. But it wasn’t likely the company would rise to be a better boyfriend. Attaching her effort to hopes they'd change was a trap. Even if they did step up, would it be worth all she’d endured?
You can usually see a mismatch in investment when it comes to personal relationships. You know how that feels. It’s harder to see when the same is true of your career.
Her new response
I challenged my client to spend a week right sizing her investment — shifting away from her A+ tendencies. We negotiated to a B level of performance and agreed she'd try it for a week. That change provided enough space for her to realize it was time to move on.
It took courage to walk away from another job.
But she was able to learn an important lesson: The lack of support she was seeing and experiencing was real. Her experience was not because she needed to grow in some way.
What are you seeing and experiencing?
There’s something in your life right now that you’re questioning. You’re wondering whether you’re seeing things correctly.
The leadership stretch is to trust what you’re experiencing. And to respond in a way that honors your experience. Doing so requires quieting your doubt and returning to your experience. Believing in yourself.
When you do, your response will have more power.
Call for Reflection:
What’s a C- significant other in your life? How are you responding? What would it look like to respond in a way that honors your C- experience?
Shine on,
Alicia