I had to carry my pride myself

At the close of my tech career, I was running a small team. We managed one of our company’s largest accounts, which generated nine figures of revenue. That success was due to relationships I’d built and nourished for years.

When it was time to hire my replacement so I could step into running my own business full time, the decision felt big. I wanted my clients to feel supported and my team to continue to flourish.

It didn’t go the way I thought it would.

Waiting for validation

We had two candidates in the final round of hiring.

The first was a woman coming off a career break. She asked questions that energized me. She wanted to understand how the two company cultures came together. She asked what I’d learned and what challenges to expect. She dug into my team and asked me about their working styles. She seemed to me like a pro.

The other was a man who worked for the company whose account we managed. I was last to interview him, after my boss and their boss. When it was our turn to sit down, he let me know he had no questions. He’d already had all his questions answered and was confident he would be successful. Our conversation ended after 15 minutes. 

I raised his lack of questions for the person running the team as a major red flag. 

They gave him the job.

I continued to feel devalued by him after he started. He quickly asked me to unwind from the business, and I obliged. I sat around in case he had questions. He still had none. 

I would have loved for the person who took my job to acknowledge me. I would have loved to see my success reflected back to me. But he wasn’t going to do that.

Owning your pride

I had to stop taking his actions personally and wanting him to value me, so my own pride for myself could emerge. My value couldn’t hinge on someone else seeing it. No one can take my pride away from me. Realizing this was the gateway to trusting myself. 

I relied heavily on that self trust when clients from the organization whose revenue I owned hired me as their coach. Had I depended on their validation of my coaching capabilities, I wouldn’t have been able to support them in their needs. I would have been too busy proving my value. 

Not everyone will see your brilliance. You don’t need to let that derail your pride.

Call for reflection:

Where are you waiting for your accomplishments to be validated? What can you do to honor yourself instead?

Shine On,
Alicia