One benefit of not taking things personally
When you can free yourself from taking things personally, you unlock your creativity. You can be respond-able. You can shift your impact.
Reframing personal criticism
For years, I heard this criticism: You're intimidating.I would get tripped up, driving to defend myself. My trying to be a visionary, show enthusiasm and bring people along was leaving a bad impression. I walked around the world feeling constantly misunderstood.And then as is sometimes the case, Instagram helped me reframe my experience. In a tiny box, somebody asked their audience:
Am I intimidating? Or are you intimidated?
Maybe it’s not about you
With that reframe, I was able to see the feedback coming my way had more to do with the person giving it than with me. Once I realized that, I could stay in connection with the person offering feedback. I learned to lead with curiosity and ask follow up questions.
What has you feeling intimidated?
Which of my behaviors is creating that impact on you?
I stopped trying to prove I wasn’t intimidating. I trusted that I wasn’t, and it gave me space to explore their experience of me. Over time these conversations have been a gift.
You don't always have to change
Once you know your impact, you can choose to create a different impact. That doesn’t always require you to change who you are.
You can shift your impact by choosing to change your behavior, or you can simply change the way you frame your behavior or shift your focus to things you can control. Taking ownership of this choice has allowed me to focus my energy on relationships and places that are really important to me. And to decide those are the places worthy of my change efforts.
It takes more than just someone wanting me to change my behavior for me to do it. I get to be the discerning person around when I shift and when I don't. Those are my choices.
Call for reflection:
Where are you taking something personally? How can you reframe what’s in front of you?
Shine On,
Alicia