Is your fear yours?

One magical part of bringing women together is planting seeds of support. Those seeds sprout to a group that shows up to honor the vision each has for themselves. When you’re creating change in your life, many of your closest connections cannot get behind you. This makes a new support network critical.

When you do invite bigger changes into your life, those closest to you will be the greatest skeptics. Their ability to see you in a new way of being or doing requires great imagination. They’ve seen you and know you in a particular context. When you continue to live in that context, your existing connections don’t have to find a new way to be with you. What’s worked will always work.

Those who meet you in process of your change can already see the new version of you.

Yet, for many of you, your existing connections are important. So their questioning about a change you are wanting often elicits fear. You know they care about you, so the question emerges about how to be with their questions and concerns.

Here’s what you need to know: The fear sparked in conversation with them is theirs, not yours.

Their fear is often an unintended impact of their attempt to support you. They want to understand what you’re wanting for yourself.

For example, my family didn’t get on board with my dive into full-time entrepreneurship. My immigrant family values stability. For them, running my own business would never be as stable as a full-time job working for someone else. To them, my choice was destabilizing.

I didn’t share their fears about stability. I’d planned more than a year before taking the leap. Yet, sitting alone in my perspective, without their joining me, created insecurity and fear in me. Was I not being thoughtful in my approach? Was there something they knew that I didn't? Did they see something in me that I was ignoring?

Sitting in others’ fears is hard. There are three things you can do to move forward even if the fear is present. You do not need to do all three, but taking action around one of these will move you regardless of fear. All are exercises in building trust with yourself.

1. Root yourself in confidence

Root yourself in confidence — real or imagined. Take inventory of what you do know and what you do have. Recall your ability to navigate a wide range of circumstances. What unknown territory have you entered? What supported you during those times? This can be as easy as writing out a list of new scenarios you’ve met and handled.
 

2. Close your competence gaps

Bold leaps throw you into realms you don’t know and haven’t yet developed competence about. This is normal when stepping into a new scenario. Write out anticipated gaps in competence, and plan how you'll meet those. You'll discover clarity and be able to asses what’s ahead of you.
 

3. Commit to a higher purpose

Zoom out beyond the scary step ahead of you. Identify the purpose that expands beyond yourself. What does the thing you are wanting stand for in the world? What will it create for others? How will it deliver something you know the world needs? What is it in service of? Anchoring on any of these bigger questions creates momentum. I've seen this work miracles for the women I work with.

Call for Reflection: 

What fear is standing in the way of what you want? Whose fear is that?

Shine On,
Alicia