Say it out loud

Most women I work with want people to see them in a way that represents and reflects what’s most important to them. Sometimes staying silent gets in the way of having that experience.

A woman in my larger support network felt like her colleagues were only seeing part of her at any given time. They were making decisions that failed to consider employees’ lives outside of the office. For her, this was that she was a mom. Over time, her experience shifted from feeling inconvenienced to full-blown annoyance. She felt invisible.

Upon reflection, however, she realized she never spoke about her son. She didn’t mention him in the chit-chat about the weekends. She didn’t say her late morning was because he had a doctor's appointment. She didn’t say her day off was because his school was closed. She’d made him invisible in her interactions with her colleagues.

They didn’t see her as a mother.

Her part in this misconception was that she downplayed how large a place her son held in her life, mind and heart. This wasn’t the only thing creating her experience, but it was one part that she could control. Shifting what she spoke about would lead to others seeing her as more than just a diligent executive. The simple and profound shift she made was making mention of her son.

Similarly, a woman hired me to support her job search process after taking some time off. She spent our sessions focused on her next corporate position. She did the same with her broader support network. Her big dream was not another corporate position, but she had practical reasons for pursuing that option for now.

Over time she began to feel crushed that those around her were seeing her as only one thing — a tech employee pursuing her next role. They weren’t seeing her creative pursuits. They weren’t engaging with her around the things that were most important to her.

I challenged her to say her big dream out loud to the people that mattered most to her. It required vulnerability to say out loud something that felt out there at some future point. She had no clear path toward it. Her courage allowed her to dream and talk about her creative pursuits with the people around her. It may not have been her central focus, but it was no longer in hiding.

Call for Reflection: 

What is something you’re yearning for, but don’t know how to create? Say it out loud to people.

Shine On,
Alicia